"I'm not very good with computers"

2008-02-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

Q: My dad always says my life is like a tool-assisted speedrun, but to me it feels like a total grind for my mount (that's what she said). What can I do to make him understand?

A: Your question sounds more like teenage angst than a problem with Windows. I suppose all I can say, in any professional capacity, is that in life there is no backspace key, and often times when it looks like you have crashed or frozen it's better to wait it out rather than hit CTL ALT DELETE. Terry

2008-02-04T21:41:00.000-08:00

Q: My ky dos not work. What can I do to fix it?

A: Sometimes keyboards become stubborn as they get older. It's best to loosen them up with a few open palmed slaps across their underside. My son taught me that one! -Terry

2008-02-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

Q: I want to network. I am at work, and I want to use the Net. But the IT guy told me I'm not networked yet. What am I doing wrong?

A: There are a few types of networks being used in workplaces today. There is a "local" network, which only requires two or more computers connected directly by wires, then the "intranet", which is a more complex network for the whole office that needs a computer of its own just to stay organized, and finally there is the network that most of us know-- the "internet". I'll assume that since you are at work and viewing this website that you are interested in communicating with other computers on your office network. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to this effect besides waiting for your IT technician to connect you himself. If you simply want to look at or manipulate other computers in your office or otherwise, there are several options to do so-- however there are some privacy and ethical issues at hand that make me wary of posting a direct tutorial. I can only suggest you google it. Try searching for "remote desktop -apple" and clicking the fourth result. -Terry

2008-02-04T21:16:00.000-08:00

Q: I want to sell something on eBay, but I want to make a lot of money. Will artificially charging way more for shipping than it should be let me pull a fast one over the buyer?

A: I'm no economist, but that sounds like a pretty solid idea. I have some things in my crawlspace that I have been meaning to get rid of, so I'll try it out and update this post. -Terry

UPDATE: It's a pretty tight squeeze down there. Does anyone living in the Jefferson area have a small kid I could borrow? It wouldn't take more than half an hour, and he can use my shower afterwards.

2008-02-04T21:05:00.000-08:00

Q: Someone told me I had to print my screen to grab an image. I want to print my screen, but my printer doesn't seem to work. Plus, how do you grab an image unless you print it out first!?

A: Just to clarify, you are not asking about literally grabbing an image, correct? Generally when we talk about "grabbing" things on the computer, we say we are "cutting" them-- although with storage capacity being as cheap as it is nowadays, we often use the "copy" function, in which case we are "copying". Anyway, semantics aside, the "copy" function can be executed by RIGHT-CLICKING on an image, then select "COPY IMAGE" from the drop down menu. The image is now in your computer's "memory" and can be "pasted" into different places as many times as your hard drive will allow. This can be done by opening the folder you would like to paste into, RIGHT-CLICKING on an empty area, and selecting "PASTE" from the drop down menu. This is a skill you will be using many times in the computerized future, so just "copy" and "paste" it where applicable! -Terry

2008-02-04T20:50:00.001-08:00

Q: I got a message from a man who says I have many millions of dollars in a bank account in Nigeria. I have never been to Nigeria!!!!! How long would it take for Nigerian dollars be able to transfer to my bank account?

A: Although I have never personally been burned by this, the general consensus is that any emails regarding Nigeria are scams. Fortunately I think I have found a solution for this. Forward all your emails with the word "Nigeria" to a gmail account I've registered-- nigeria_scam@gmail.com This will automatically forward the email to the International Internet Security Beuro with an attached form letter I've written explaining the situation. This group automatically forwards its emails to the appropriate organization in the country of your email's origin. When both sides have this same data, they should be able to create some sort of algorithm to stop the majority of email originating in Nigeria. That is, if their spam filter doesn't block it. -Terry

2008-02-04T20:41:00.000-08:00

Q: When I type, my words always type over other words. How do I make it so that it stops erasing everything I write?ly don't know whats going on

A: This is a common problem caused when you accidentally hit the "INSERT" key. Try pressing the key again and see if your typing returns to normal. A more permanent solution would be to remove your "INSERT" key entirely. This can be accomplished with most electric drills and a couple gradations of sandpaper. -Terry

2008-01-31T16:14:00.000-08:00

Q: I would like my windows to take up the whole screen. I keep dragging my scrollbars around these tiny boxes and I can't help imagining the goddamn sales rep laughing to himself while he porks his girlfriend and smells the cool $700 he scammed off me.

A: There is a little box in the top window border near the right that was created for this unique function. Simply left click that and you will be reading this page in its full screened glory. -Terry

2008-01-31T16:10:00.001-08:00

Q: I am experiencing thought-feedback. Is there a toggle somewhere to turn this off?

A: If you are experiencing nausea while looking at your monitor, it may be that the refresh rate is set incorrectly. Right click on the desktop and select "PROPERTIES", then select the "SETTINGS" tab, then the button labeled "ADVANCED". From here select the "MONITOR" tab, and select a different rate from the drop down menu. This rate can be found in your monitor's help manual or from a dealer's website. If either of those prove to be unavailable, you can simply flip through the various settings and see which you like best. -Terry

2008-01-31T15:36:00.001-08:00

Q: I have trouble seeing the text.

A: If you mean what I think you do-- that is that the text on web pages is too small, then what you need to do is select "VIEW" from the window drop down menu, then select "TEXT SIZE", then select "INCREASE". You can repeat this process if the text is still too small. - Terry

2008-01-31T15:24:00.000-08:00

Q: All my buttons are capitals. Where do I find the non-capitals?

A: Well computers today come with keyboards that actually function both as capital and lower case letters-- but you probably already knew that! The main key you're looking for is one marked "CAPS LOCK", "C. LOCK", or just "CAPS". It has a little light built into it, which is probably on. Just press that key once. That should put you pack into a more normal definition of typeface. - Terry